Pasand Ki Shadi

Dec 17, 2012 by     6 Comments    Posted under: Opinions

Gentlemen and Ladies (may Allah forgive me for addressing females), the topic of my article today is very sensitive. But it is more important than sensitive. This topic and question has been bugging my mind continuously. So I finally thought I should ask you people for the answer, so here it is.

A popular belief also narrated by my Islamic Studies teacher is that females are not allowed to talk to males in Islam, except their husbands, sons, brothers, fathers, husband’s fathers, nephews and children who have no sense of shame of sex and male servants who don’t have sexual desires. Another belief is that marriage by choice is allowed in Islam, which is also accepted by my Islamic Studies teacher.

What bothers me is that how exactly are we supposed to select or like our future partner? My Islamic Studies teacher answered that you can walk in front of a potential bride or groom and thus sees his/her face. This makes me wonder whether facial beauty is the only criterion to select our partner. How do we know his/her habits? It is not just the male who wants to test and try out a lot of girls before choosing his partner but this is also true from a female’s point of view. How can she know whether her future partner smokes, has a dirty or a clean mind, is a flirt or loyal, is caring, is loving, is hardworking, respects women and so on? Are they even allowed to know all this before marriage?

I am not concluding anything. I am just asking how one can know about the other person without even talking or being friends with him/her. And as talking and friendship are banned as Haraam, is the face the only criterion for the judgement of one’s partner? I am curious.

 Thumbnail Photography Rights Reserved to Jiah’s Photography.

The Author

Fahaad Humayun is a football fanatic. He loves writing, playing football and following each and every sport. A die hard Man Utd fan, his aim is to bury Man City in world's finest riches of Poopy where they belong. Enjoy reading :p You can follow him on twitter @ fahaadhumayun

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6 Comments + Add Comment

  • I Want An Answer To These Questionssss :O Good Article Btw :)

  • One more thing i don’t understand that why the society is too conservative to think like that a girl and a boy can’t be friends…..

  • well, as far as i know u just need to have a third party n u can talk to the other person, guy or girl. . . . . .n get to know them. The sahaba did use to go to Hazrut Ayesha n the sahabiat to Hazrat Muhammad P.B.U.H. ,for guidance :)

  • With due apologies on board, your question only appears as a clear excuse for befriending with females in order to marry with choice. Are you certainly sure if “befriending” is the only way of knowing habits, nature, temperament and attitude? This is one of the ways, not the only way. Mind you.

    Moreover, there are various other ways of finding all this in your future better half. One such instance is, through family friends, you come to know one’s tendencies, habits, preferences and choices. Similarly, even if you are a classmate, you can come to know other person by noticing their social circle, how well h/she responds to class queries, whether h/she chooses to be in cafeteria or library and what she prefers to wear etc.

    Additionally, befriending someone does not always require talking on night packages or going to dates. You can also befriend online and can stay as a good friend without asking for more pics! Through an online conversation, you can certainly know someone, if you genuinely desire a Nikaah, instead of a time pass. And that is quite much permitted by Islam.

    If you still think there are no options left for finding a spouse by choice, you have only squeezed down your mind for actual physical mating for knowing someone. Get help before you are put into a relationship.

    Have a nice day.

  • Dear Sir, you didnt understand the article at first place. and are you allowed to talk to your class mates? and when did I say befriending some one requires talking on night packages or dates? and through online conversations, I seriously doubt that. Thank you for reading and replying.

  • Observation is the key. Its like exercising, the more you practice observing, the more you learn about people around you, which then helps you to choose a better soul mate (without talking or getting physical). This was the essence of Yasir’s post, posted above.

    By the way, nice topic!

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