Out of sight, Out of mind

My mind is wandering off and bizarre, inconsequential ideas keep revolving. I am oblivious to my surroundings. I choose to ignore. I like to be inside the imaginary wall that I have built around myself. One tidal wave after another of frivolous thoughts keeps coming and I sit there gazing intently at the broken wood splinters of the chair leg in front of me. Might be due to the obesity of the person occupying that seat at that moment but how hilarious or ironic this might seem to an average person, I choose to stay quiet and not share my discernment with the person sitting beside me.  My peripheral vision guides me that he’s giving me a strange look precisely every two minutes.  The situation is quite uncanny for him. Upon count; I came to a conclusion that probably I am the only one who hasn’t uttered a word since the past three hours in a room of thirty individuals where the environment is quite stimulating. Yes, I am what the society terms in this “culture of personality”, an introvert.

I argue with my inner self a million times a day just to walk the college halls with my head held high and not scrunched between my shoulders. I battle again over eye contact because their expectations overshadow my desires to remain hidden. Always. Coming out of my reverie and looking again at the wall clock up ahead, I realized that this torture will continue for another forty minutes. The other subliminal reason for the torture was that continuous stare coming my way from beside as if he is a child who has found his new fascination and will not back out until his intrigue is satisfied. I didn’t turn my head even an inch. I chose to ignore.

As I slouched in my seat even further and put my hands in the pockets of the slacks, they touched and gradually folded over a piece of paper and I heard a crumpling sound. Pulling out and straightening it on my lap, I realized it was the note given to me by a gregarious girl in my class earlier that day. The note read; “Socialize often. You will live a happy life” I kept staring at that note for quite some time. Then stood up and walked out the room. Thankfully, I found her sitting on a bench under the shade of a tree skillfully making a drawing of the landscape. I walked up to her and handed her back her note. She looked confused. With perplexed expression and furrowed brows, she opened the crumpled paper and written beneath her script was a quote by R.D.Blackmore which made the corners of her mouth to turn up into an approving smile. The note read; “I find happiness in solitude, because I rant not, neither rave of what I feel, can you be so shallow as to dream that I feel nothing?”