Skinny Showdown

Aug 6, 2011 by     3 Comments    Posted under: Fashion Cult

A real woman is one who manages to squeeze herself into a pair of skinny jeans and feel ridiculously good about herself, even when faced with the gentle bulge of jelly right above the waistband. She will stick to her plans of wearing a cute T-shirt on top and is confident enough to ignore the very same deposit of jelly which is now even more delightfully visible through the T-shirt.

Put your hands up if you suddenly feel like a man.

The truth is, skinny jeans are incredibly sexy. In fact, they’re way too sexy for those of us who have real bodies. This is not to say that some of us are constructed from craft paper and glue, but it merely points to people like you and I who have not been blessed with a body which would manage to squeeze itself through jail bars and dodge between raindrops on a stormy day. Call me superficial, but I have sat and wondered about this mini-crisis and yes ladies, have managed to come up with the perfect remedy to the skinny jeans. Behold: the boyfriend jeans.

Now, if you are a feminist and have no idea what boyfriend jeans are, I would ask you to hold on to that little itch in your mouth which begs to protest and shall take a minute to explain precisely what the boyfriend jeans are. Despite what you may think, (yes, I am still talking to you, oh scary feminist) the boyfriend jeans are not a garment worn to state your ‘no longer on the market’ relationship status. They are not a cute ritual to show your boyfriend that you love him, and thus, would not mind sticking your delicate female legs into something that his hairy, sweaty calves inhabited just a while ago.

The boyfriend jeans are a miracle. They fit just right on the bum region and here’s the best part: THEY THEN FALL LOOSELY OVER THE THIGHS. Now by loose, I don’t mean terrible and baggy. No, these are not the jeans Avril sang about in Sk8er Boi (tell me I got that right). These jeans manage to conceal and reveal the perfect amount, they don’t take hours and days to pull on, months and years to pull off and they are perfect to wear in the hellish summer that we Pakistanis have been blessed with.

Now, if you find yourself feeling mildly offended at my claim that skinny jeans are too sexy for some of us, give me a moment to clarify. The skinny jeans are way too sexy, yes, but the boyfriend jeans? The boyfriend jeans are just sexy ENOUGH. They cling where you want them to cling and they let you breathe just the right amount. The fatty deposits also politely known as lovehandles are beautifully concealed by these babies. They reveal no signs of an extra scoop of ice cream and CAN BE PULLED UP AT THE BEACH (yes, I know you feel me). They speak a million words, these jeans. They’re quirky and casual and have been my very best friends since the day I bought two pairs from Gap. Now, as much as I would love to delve into the details of my social life, let me tell you a bunch of places these jeans are available. You can find them at Gap, H&M and Levis outlets abroad and locally, if you go sniffing around the treasure trove known as Zainab Market, you will find some in that little shop which has all the cool stuff from all the cool places (you know which one I’m talking about ladies, the one overlooking the road, yep, that’s right, you got me).

Hence, a real woman cannot possibly enjoy the pains of pulling on a pair of skinny jeans (if you are what I call a skinny cow, then this article isn’t for you, shoo) and feeling like a million dollars at the price of never standing up and keeping her belly sucked in at all costs. I do not wish to debate the definition of womanhood with you, but what I do want is for you to go out and purchase these little beauties.

Go on, do it.

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3 Comments + Add Comment

  • lol refreshing read, thumbs up

    Current score: 1
  • please share the exact name or shop no. in zainab market. I want to buy this pair of jeans but have never been to Zainab market. It will be very helpful to new shoppers !

    Current score: 0
  • whoa..its cool and full of sarcasm..love this writeup!

    Current score: 0

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